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My Journey

I found myself saying "Yes!" to every artsy opportunity that came my way.  By the time I completed my theatre degree in 2015 I had built a name for myself as a youth theatre director in the Twin Cities community.  Right out of school I was selected for a fellowship at Nautilus Music-Theater and given a full scholarship for their Wesley Balk Opera/Music-Theatre Institute. I kept saying "Yes!" because I wanted to "use my theatre degree."

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I found a new vocal coach, I found on-camera representation, I squeezed in an acting workshop or dance class here and there...

but my agent would call and I would already be booked with a youth theatre gig.  I would run to a theatre audition after having just directed a cast of 65 kids and barely have a voice to sing; much less the mindset, energy, or regulated nervous system to do much more than "survive" the audition.

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When the dark year of 2020 hit, I faced a harsh realization: theatre can fill my body with energy and be used to create incredibly fulfilling experiences and connections, but it will never give me love. People do that. God does that. The theatre industry can literally shut down over night.  I made the difficult decision to prioritize my mental health and drive home to my family in little Palm City, FL. That decision began a new journey; pursuing peace and prioritizing relationships.

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July 2023 brought a divine, beautiful opportunity to help heal my relationship with theatre, revive my love for performing, and draw my soul closer to God. In Lausanne, Switzerland I spent 6 weeks with a loving cohort memorizing large portions of biblical text and studying them through various acting methods and character development exercises; delving into scriptural text and engaging in deep, vulnerable discussions about the ancient stories and their historical context.  There were no "rights" or "wrongs" in our presentations. Even when we forgot lines or paraphrased. It was incredible to tell stories, perform, portray characters; all for personal, spiritual growth and development...not for approval. 

 

I returned to Florida and performed all of the passages I had learned, in my parents' living room, for my beautiful community of close family and friends.  I was reminded of little Hannah who LOVED to perform in that living room.  I began reflecting on how much I have invested in other "living room performers" by directing youth theatre, but haven't prioritized the "living room performer" in myself. 

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Today, I'm pursuing peace and prioritizing relationships. I'm making lattes by morning and coaching young performers by afternoon. I'm saying, "No." to opportunities that don't align with the lifestyle I am striving to create. I'm doing pilates. I'm presenting stories that I learned in Switzerland on living room rugs and stages. I'm receiving monologue coaching. I'm pursuing nervous system regulation certification. I'm singing and playing piano for fun. And in 2024 I'm dipping back into the wild world of auditioning.

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